god is that you?
the difference between coincidence and confirmation is purpose.

is god a positive god? (imputed righteousness, pt4)
as the subtitle implies: duh.

life traction
road traction increases fuel efficiency; reality grip increases life efficiency. shoes, tires, sanity.

metaphors we live by
the physical world is where we find ways to express mental/abstract/philosophical/spiritual ideas.

spiritual strengthening
previous victory by another gives hope. hope leads to belief leads to strength leads to changed response to circumstance leads to different reality than if previous victory by another had not happened to inspire hope. maybe the transference of spiritual strength is not so mystical after all.

quote of the day (runner up)
rules are discrete; life is continuous. that's why we need calculus.

quote of the day
"i hate going in with a mindset. takes the joy out of talking to people."

a profound quote (from a profound person), the relevance of which is becoming increasingly pervasive for me. top-down vs. bottom-up?

when you walk into a conversation without an agenda, you allow true communication and relationship to take place rather than force something abstract in your mind into the reality of things. if there are things on your ideal agenda that is congruent with reality and time, then it would come out in your being (as opposed to doing) with that person. just like how action speaks louder than words, and that essence will manifest in instances of self-expression. you yourself are the speech act, not what you say. you yourself are the idea, not the ideas you expound. you yourself are your message, not something detached from your essence that is just in your head.

two ways to live
1. confident and admit to failures.
2. unconfident and perfectionistic.
for some reason i existed as the latter for most of my life. what a waste.

rough (sharp?) edges in the bible
if your admired leader and friend says to you, "Get thee behind me, Satan!" what would your reaction be? just a little surprised, hurt, and offended, no? because jesus really meant it.

true power
with identity comes authority and true power.

(another) inspiring bible figure
sought wisdom, knowledge, revelation, and understanding. and got it.
was given favour before man and kings.
humbled self before the lord and prayed to him for understanding. and got it.
was considered highly esteemed by god (mentioned three whopping times).
was given knowledge and revelation of hidden things to be known only by god and angels. communicated to by angels. was told what is written in the Book of Truth. dang. that's who i wanna be!

my mom expresses her bitterness and resentfulness about how the breakfast table is always sticky because of the orange juice i leave from eating my oranges in the morning.

she says it with such hate that it just cripples me, especially when she brought it up by criticizing my dad's way of dealing with it---which is just to place a piece of paper on top of that spot to cover up the stickiness. she's like, this doesn't help cuz the next time, the juice will go on the paper and the problem is right back. and so she criticizes the way he "teaches me." "i don't even know how you teach the son" i.e., doe hm jee deem yeung gow jai.

so she shames me for being useless, and puts down my dad for being defective at teaching/raising me. implying that the best way to deal with this is to tell me to stop, not to let me keep on doing it by using "end of the pipe solutions." little does she realize i've already heard it and have tried not to do it again, and for her to say it repeatedly is probably not the most effective way since it's already been tried repeatedly.


i was able to sense attack from the enemy, and ended up being able to defeat it completely, in two steps.

1. realize it's condemnation, have none of it. i realized i don't have to think i'm a failure as a son. just because i make a mess eating oranges for breakfast, as she does. she is just being selfish. so the first step is to brush off the condemnation/shame.

2. this one was more subtle, but it's to realize that hey, i really am not a perfect son or person. i do mess up the table eating oranges. but it's okay, cuz i'm not accepted only if i am perfect, but also when i'm not perfect. cuz i start playing her game when i think i DO have to be perfect in order to be okay...and so i brush off the shame only to internally fool myself to think it's okay to make a mess and i'd still be a perfect son. so step two is humility to combat pride.


and amazingly, i recognized the way my dad brought other things up to me just to distract my attention from what just happened---a band-aid solution, to be sure, but just amazing he recognized the attack and tried to alleviate it in whatever way possible, as soon as possible. pretty good for someone who does not operate in the spiritual realm as a christian.


epilogue: note to self: wipe off table after myself in the future...if i manage to remember..

eisegesis exposed
if we're supposed to deny self and not think of self and crucify self...then when god says he loves people...what are these "people" he refers to? i'm not even supposed to exist, or if i am, i am to be dismissed. so god loves hollow, absent shells of nothing?

humility ftw
in the end, humility wins. always. it's when you let down all guard and release all false pretenses, such that whatever does come to you becomes all of grace. and usually, the returns are sweet, nourishing, and abundant. totally what you would not expect under your previous position of hoarding/controlling/defending/clinging/grasping.

the grace and clarity of eternity
grace is...knowing that life is short, one of you is going to die first, and so you might as well stop hating each other now. eternity is the great clarifier. that is, assuming we are quasi-mortal.

we are powerful
things you think are all in your head...can actually be reflected in reality. i'm referring not merely to the physical realm but also to the relational realm. that's why we as images of god are co-creators of reality with god. and the relational (aka spiritual) realm is even more real than the physical realm.

on laughter
laughter is of heaven. it is a weapon of spiritual warfare. it rejoices in the realities of heaven being present on earth, and it laughs in response to present realities that do not align with heaven in anticipation of their passing.

quote of the day
"outstanding teachers do much more than convey knowledge; they also spur the desire to learn" --- from a book i'm reading for my b.ed. summer reading assignment. this pretty much nails one of my core passions and (i think/hope) gifting. it's basically me basking in and wanting to share my wonder at life and the world.

defensiveness
sometimes, it's not that people are disagreeing with you---they're just not sure of themselves.

confidence and skepticism, pt2
previously, i had established that confidence and skepticism are really the same concept under two different labels, depending on context. i would just like to make the further note that this follows the pattern of how pluralists like to claim how open-minded they are, and are intolerant of intolerant people, i.e. those that hold to one view rather than to all. it is yet another smokescreen, because pluralists are just as narrow-minded as anyone else who holds to one view, just that their one view happens to include many views---it is still a choice to take a particular stance that excludes other stances.

humility and honesty
humility is the virtue behind honesty. pride seeks to embellish, cover up, and put up a front (i.e. deceive). humility shows you "just as i am." humility serves as a better detector of falsehood because the ultimate evil of lies is its projection of a false identity, and on the other hand sometimes the self's ego is actually the ultimate benefactor in the name of transparency and honesty.

the next step is to consider how other-centeredness is the flipside of humility, such that the other inherent virtue behind the call to honesty is just to consider others before yourself. using humility (when looking at self) and love (when looking at others) as the benchmarks for communication/interaction removes the need to wade the convoluted waters of truth-telling ethics. i believe the core issue is to be true in our relationships rather than to simply be honest or "tell the truth." that's why the bible has examples of people lying and subsequently commended by god. (now i'm thinking...speech act theory. sweet.)

seeking wisdom
i think it's time to resume my quest for wisdom, one of the initial goals accompanying this blog. in the previous attempt, i gained a lot of theoretical knowledge based on life experience. this time around, the focus is not only to continue doing so, but to integrate that knowledge into my living and being. as soren kierkegaard wrote, "If a person does not become what he understands, he does not really understand it."